Today we’re going to talk about ass grooming. Yes, tending to your rear end: All those things that involve making your derriere its most comfortable, smooth, and fresh. Why? Because, well, wouldn’t you want your butt to be its most comfortable, smooth, and fresh? We’re not saying you have to remove the hairs or even polish it with a scrub, but you can do all of that if you want to, and we’ll tell you how. We just want to shed some light on undercarriage upkeep, so that you know what options are available to you. So that you have all the tools you need in your arsenal, if you will. Here’s the down low on grooming down there.
1. Trim It, Wax It, or Leave It Natural—But Don’t Shave It
Should you want a bare ass, then my best advice is to wax it off. (Or consider gradual laser hair removal with a very trusted dermatologist.) Waxing will give you the longest buffer between cleanups and the cleanest initial results. The last thing you want is sandpaper cheeks rubbing together. If you have longer ass hairs than most, and you simply want to trim it, then be my guest, but make sure not to trim it so short that it becomes a stubble.
Irina Gordon, the owner of Dyanna Spa & Waxing Center in NYC says that the biggest misconception around ass waxing is that many straight guys have hangups about the procedure, which itself can help reduce ass sweat, odor, and make for easier cleanups. She adds, though, that straight men are among her most loyal clientele, comprising 40% of her male-identifying customers. “Once they do it and love the results, they keep coming back,” she says. “In the summer it makes a big difference, especially if you sweat a lot.” Most people will get their entire rear waxed, and many add on a crack wax for good measure. She says to add a few days of low-key recovery for a safety buffer. “We suggest not wearing tight clothing after waxing or doing a rigorous workout.”
2. Powder is Your Best Assistant
From chafing defense to sweat prevention to odor mitigation, get yourself a powder-based product for your nether regions. You can get a powder-based spray, an actual pure powder to sprinkle on, or a lotion-to-powder cream, all of which create a moisture-absorbing and friction-fighting barrier over top the skin. As it pertains to the ass, this primarily means you won’t be sitting in your own stank all day—however, make sure to apply this product from junk to trunk to thighs in order to get the full range of benefits.
3. Consider Wet Wipes
Consider toting wet wipes with you when a situation might call for it. You can buy them individually or even carry a small pack of them in your work bag. These little wet wipes will save you any itching, scratching, stinking, and germ buildup. Just don’t flush them—even if it says “flushable” on the package.
4. Embrace the Bidet
Bidets might seem funny to those of us who didn’t grow up with them. But across both ponds, these devices keep billions of butts fresh on a daily basis. And if you consider installing one at home, you can get a device that summons clean water from the main water line, with adjustments for pressure and angle to suit your preferences. It’s a great ice breaker with curious house guests, and is one of those “once you try it, there’s no going back” experiences in life. (It’s like a little shower for your tush every time you sit down.) Just be sure the seat fits your toilet; it’s worth measuring or assessing the shape/curvature/setup before ordering.
5. Wear Breathable, Moisture-Wicking Fabrics
Sometimes, the aggravator of sweat, odor, and chafing is the fabrics you’re wearing. There’s no reason to wear denim on a 90-degree summer day, just like there’s no use in wearing pure-cotton boxers if you’re prone to swamp ass. You want a little stretch, fast drying, and lightweight wear; pair it with a a powder-based product and your life will be changed forever.
6. Try a Scrub
The right scrub on your cheeks can help prevent butt pimples and rough patches. After, give yourself a cleanse with a peppermint-tinged soap, then lather on some peppermint oil-powered body lotion for the freshest tingle of your life.